It’s a brave woman who asks her child the following question: ‘on a scale of 1-100, how annoying do you find me?’
For my friend, the response from her child came without any hesitation. It was a solid 80%.
These words were spoken with all the confidence and clarity that an 8-year-old could muster.
What would your response to that be?
Reactive?
Defensive?
Victim?
Or would you simply pull rank and call them out for being disrespectful?
Have you considered calm curiosity?
In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl makes the following statement. “Between the stimulus and response, there is a space.” And that response can be as wide and deep as you would like it to be.
Practicing mental fitness is about grounding yourself in the present. As a mental fitness practitioner, I help women build mental muscle by dialling down the triggers and exploring the current reality with curiosity and openness.
I often ask my clients, ‘how long would you keep your hand pressed on a hot stove’. The answer is ‘not very long’. It only takes a few seconds to become aware of the burning sensation. Why? Because keeping it there any longer would cause you harm.
This analogy can easily be applied to real life. Too often we feed negative emotion with more negative emotion instead of creating distance between ourselves and the problem and being curious about the issue.
My ‘annoying friend’ (in the words of her 8-year-old) displayed curiosity and openness. She was more interested to find out what specifically about her behaviour was annoying. Her focus was on the patterns of behaviour within her that needed addressing.
5 ways curiosity builds mental fitness:
1. Increases self-awareness.
Curiosity and openness encourage you to examine your thoughts, emotions, and behaviour without judgement. By observing yourself objectively, you can gain a deeper understanding of your patterns, triggers, strengths, and limitations.
2. Aids emotional regulation.
When you approach your current reality with curiosity and openness, you become more attuned to your emotions and their underlying causes. By understanding the root of certain emotional responses, you can respond more constructively and make healthier choices in managing your feelings.
3. Encourages flexibility and adaptability.
A curious and open mindset exposes you to alternative viewpoints and different perspectives increasing your resilience and adaptability. This flexibility contributes to mental fitness by reducing rigidity and promoting a more balanced mindset.
4. Promotes learning and growth.
When you approach your current reality with an attitude of exploration, you become more receptive to acquiring new knowledge, skills, and experiences. This attitude fosters continuous learning, expands your understanding of yourself and the world, and enhances mental well-being.
5. Enhancing problem-solving skills and stimulates creativity.
Being curious encourages you to question assumptions, challenge conventional thinking and provides the opportunity to explore alternative solutions to the challenge or obstacle. This contributes to mental fitness by enhancing your cognitive flexibility and enabling you to approach challenges with a broader perspective.
The next time you encounter a challenging situation or receive feedback that might be difficult to hear, remember the power of calm curiosity and the positive impact it can have on your mental well-being.
Embrace the space between the stimulus and the response, and let curiosity be your guide on the journey of building mental muscle.
If an 8-year-old finds you somewhat annoying, there are bound to be many others who do too.
Be curious and open minded and use this knowledge as your catalyst for change.
